I will never be a musician…

…but I create and I will create a lot of music compositions. What that’s mean? For me musician is a profession. Very difficult, very exacting, ungrateful and sometimes sadly degrading. It’s a long way of learning a lot of instruments, devices and tools that support music creation. I will never have enough time and mind to do this. Is it bad for me that I will not be a musician? Not exactly…

In a polish song „Autobiografia” sung by Perfect are sentences: „In a bar for applause; A weak bandman told me to play; Such things that even now I’m ashamed” („W knajpie dla braw; Klezmer kazał mi grać; Takie rzeczy, że jeszcze mi wstyd”)… and this is a often stage of many musicians way. For example: Władysław Gudonis Komendarek was playing polish interwar blockbusters in bars before he went to his first music band. He hates this kind of songs but he needed money for buying an Hammond Organ.

After one of my songs St Celfer wrote to me: „You are a musician!”.
I disagreed. For me his „Escaping Chixalub” was for him like a music exam. He made a music which people wanted and he proved that he can do it. I will never do it because…
… I want to be free. I want to make music for myself.

Now I can play the piano but I have a very low experience and skills…
I can compose for a piano but my harmonic are spontaneous, they are not competitive.
I can write songs but it can make me more like a poet or lyrician.
I can learn some applications like beatbox device but I hate rythmical music.
I can learn some applications like VSTi but I can’t feel it.
I can learn some applications like VCV, but that’s not good for performances.

I also call John Parker a musician because he earns a money with performances. I can’t play on my balloons on stage. John Parker as an avant-garde music is a free musician… It is my dream to become like him but I don’t believe that it will be my way.

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